Musings of a Rider
by Read too much fan fiction
Summary: Rewrite of "How I Cope" Since people wanted more!
1. Chapter 1

Originally "How I Cope" This is an expansion with maybe four chapters dealing with capture, temptation, enduring, rescue, and healing. This story is a tribute to "Mutilation" by cyansapphire and "Secrecy" by justtestingmyboundaries. Thanks to both of you for inspiring me!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Inheritance Cycle or "Short Change Hero"

Musings of a Rider

Chapter 1: Lost in Thought

The dust whipped around the young man's ankles. It spoke of a rare sandstorm that would emerge the depths of the Hardarac Desert. Another freak of nature that had been recorded only twice in the written history of Alagaësia. But this was a turbulent time in history, and even the nature reflected the radical changes that Alagaësia would suffer. One way or another, the very foundations of the earth would be shaken, so it was not surprising that unusual natural phenomenon had befallen Alagaësia.

_I can't see where you comin' from_

_But I know just what you runnin' from:_

The young man paused and turned his head towards Uru'bean. The city was already engulfed in the storm. The outline grew hazier, but he knew it was there, waiting. And _**he**_ was there; the black king himself. Was he on some balcony, looking down at the little ant that was Eragon? Would Murtagh be with him, receiving strict orders for his capture?

_And what matters ain't the "who's baddest" but_

_The ones who stop you fallin' from your ladder, baby_

Was he strong enough to face, not just his half-brother, but the king as well? He had to be. He had come too far, with the hopes and dreams of the people who desired to be free of the king's iron fist. Still, Eragon took comfort in the knowledge that he would not be alone when he faced him. Saphira, Nasuada, Roran, Orik, and Ayra would be with him, fighting alongside him. He could do this, with his surrogate family behind him.

_And you feel like you feelin' now_

_And doin' things just to please your crowd,_

_When I love you like the way I love you,_

_And I suffer, but I ain't gonna cut you 'cause_

A family? He could delude himself with this comforting illusion, but sooner or later he would face the truth. He was a weapon, not a person to them.

_This ain't no place for no hero._

_This ain't no place for no better man._

_This ain't no place for no hero_

_To call "home."_

He had no home, nothing to go back to when the war ended. Win or lose, he was on his own now.

_This ain't no place for no hero._

_This ain't no place for no better man._

_This ain't no place for no hero_

_To call "home."_

Only Saphira knew the real him. He would be remembered as a Rider, not a person. No one had tried to look past the title, had seen the fear that had coiled around his heart like a snake.

_Every time I close my eyes, I think,_

_I think about you inside,_

_And your mother, givin' up on askin' why -_

_Why you lie, and you cheat, and you try to make_

_A fool outta she..._

Least of all the woman he loved. He wished Ayra would even try to get to know him. He was the active member in their…relationship. If he had not tried, he doubted she would even know that he existed. But although his mind told him to cut his losses and leave, his heart dug in its heels in to keep him pining for the elven princess.

_I can't see where you comin' from,_

_But I know just what you're runnin' from._

Why did any of this matter anyway? He was going to die tomorrow, win or lose. Eragon had made sure of that. A single spell would convert his life energy into a massive explosion. If he had constructed the spell right, he doubted that any ward could survive the release of pure energy. This was to be his backup plan, but lately, it seemed the best way to end the war. Even if that failed, he would be free.

_And what matters ain't the "who's baddest," but the_

_Ones who stop you fallin' from your ladder, 'cause_

He heard the creeping footsteps, the beat of wings directly above him. He could probably outrun them, but why bother? He would be right next to the king if he was captured, no need to waste innocent lives.

_This ain't no place for no hero._

_This ain't no place for no better man._

_This ain't no place for no hero_

_To call "home."_


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own the Inheritance Cycle or "Alice is Dead" The song is written by a wonderful singer named hania. She posts her music on Newgrounds. Please check it out she is amazing! 9r7g5h's "A Future of Possibilities" inspired this chapter.

Chapter 2: Temptation

Down, down, down. Why do ancient buildings have so many landings? The only light came from the guard's torches.

_I want you to know  
_

_That you've fallen through a hole in the sky _

They led him to a cell. Nothing special, just a dark room with nothing in it. He was pushed in, his body colliding with the far wall. The sound of ringing metal filled the room, as the heavy door was slammed shut. The noise of locks being engaged reached the young Rider's ears. _'Three sets of bolts, seems a little overkill,'_ he thought dryly, _'They already drugged me and chained my hands and legs, and these chains look like they could restrain a dragon, never mind a drugged human.'_

_The strangers welcome you (welcome you) As you lose your sanity, they touch your soul_

The darkness embraced him. He did not know how long he sat there. There was no light or sound to indicate the passing of time. It was a strange feeling, to be denied your senses. Without outside stimuli, his mind started to paint pictures.

_Let them into your mind Let them into, let me in you..._

Such wonderful pictures too! He saw himself lording over the dead body on the king. The parties, the praise! Ayra cornering him during the celebrations, dragging him to some abandoned room. Proclaiming her repressed love, and pushing him onto the bed. Their passionate cries echoed through his mind...

_I want you to know that the smoke bellows our the depths of the pipe _

_Caress you; it makes you believe anything, All the truths, all the lies_

It could all be his. Just give in, and that future, or something similar to it, would become reality. The temptation was great, almost overwhelming.

_Let them into your mind Let them into, let me in you..._

_Let them into your mind Let them in too, let me in you..._

Lost in his thoughts, Eragon did not hear the bolts being drawn back. The door opened slowly, light creeping into the room. A figure stood upon the threshold. It looked at him for a long minute. Startled out of his daydreams, Eragon looked at the figure, squinting his eyes against the sudden light. It cocked its head slightly. A single word floated into the room. "Well?"

A small smirk slowly made its way across the Rider's face.

_Magic potions, grinning fur It's all a blur, its all a blur Magic poisons, royal tea _

There was a curious ringing in his ears. Where was it coming from? Wait, there were voices now. "...barely managed to keep him alive. Whatever he did, it was massive."

"I heard the spell actually hurt His Majesty!"

"It was a suicide spell. If His Majesty hadn't intervened, a good half of the castle would be gone. As it is, the lower levels had to be evacuated. The structure was severely damaged."

"Wonder what will happen to him?"

"Nothing. We used everything we had to keep him in one piece. He needs to rest or his body will give out."

_Run screaming, run screaming to me_

A new voice broke in, "Well played, young Rider. Well played. But now it's my turn."

_I want you to know, I want you to know _

"Let's start. Try to keep up."

_Let them into your mind Let them in, too. Let me in you__._


	3. Chapter 3 Part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own the Inheritance Cycle or "Iron" by Woodkid.

Chapter 3: Despair (Part 1)

_Deep in the ocean, dead and cast away,_

Eragon faded and out of the world. His perception of time was screwed since he was never awake long enough to measure the passing of time. Shapes drifted in and out of his field of vision. Occasionally, water and other liquids were forced down his throat. As time passed, he felt sad. From what he could overhear, his attempt hadn't worked. Now he was at the mercy of the king. Strangely he did not fear the impeding torture. The fact that he was alone hurt more. He was lost now, lost to everyone. Eragon might as well be dead.

_where innocence is burned... in flames._

Death would be slow now. Slow and painful. He had no way of speeding it up.

_A million mile from home, I'm walking ahead._

He wouldn't give in though. He was still a Rider, and he couldn't fail everyone. Even if they didn't care for him, he still held a strong affection towards them. A noise broke into his thoughts.

"Is he healed?" The voice was silky, and it held a terrible tone of command.

"Enough for questioning."

"Very well, bring him to his new home." The words were said with a hint of excitement.

'So it begins,' Eragon thought as he was dragged to his feet. He offered no resistance as chains were placed around his wrists and ankles. A sudden stabbing pain in his neck told him that he was being injected with something. His mind grew cloudy. The young Rider recognized the poison. It was the same one that was used in Gil'ead. It would prevent him from using magic. The dose must have been higher, since he couldn't even use his thoughts to harness magic. 'Guess they learned their lesson,' he thought grimly.

_I'm frozen to the bones, I am._

It was getting cold now. Not even the torches mounted on the wall offered a sliver of heat. He felt the cold seep into his body as they stopped by a thick metal slab adorned with locks. Anticipation froze him to the core.

_A soldier on my own, I don't know the way._

_I'm riding up the heights... of shame._

The chains were replaced with new ones. He dangled from the far wall by his arms. He suddenly laughed. Look at him! The great Rider, strung up like a common thief! It was laughable. As his maniacal laughter rang throughout the cell, the soldiers grew nervous. They rushed to complete their tasks and almost bolted from the room. The laughter died to giggles. He was no longer a Rider; he was a captured soldier with one duty: to carry the secrets of the Varden to the grave.

_I'm waiting for the call, the hand on the chest._

_I'm ready for the fight... and fate._

What was taking them so long? He had all the time in the world now, but it was worse being alone, just waiting. Then again, that might be the beginning of his torture.

_The sound of iron shots is stuck in my head._

_The thunder of the drums dictates_

_the rhythm of the falls, the number of deaths,_

_the rising of the horns... ahead._

The door opened. The outline of a man stood in the doorway. "Hello Eragon."

"Your Majesty." Eragon said in a mock tone of respect.

"Well, you certainly have more manners than your masters." He seemed quite amused. "They were quite rude when I last talked to them."

"To be fair, they were a middle of fight. They did not have the time to compose themselves."

"True…" The word stretched out, lingering in the air. The king stepped into the cell. "Perhaps you will be more willing to reason with me. You know my offer."

Eragon's polite smile didn't falter. "Oh yes, I was treated to a vision as to what would happen if I accepted. It was quite vivid. I have to say, your talent of manipulating the mind was not exaggerated. However…" He paused, "I thought I gave my response…how long ago was it?"

_From the dawn of time to the end of days,_

_I will have to run... away._

"Only three days. I attended to you myself."

"I'm honored." The polite tone now held a hint of mocking.

"As to your answer, well it was quite explosive. I would have thought a simple 'no' would have be enough. It was not necessary to try blow up half of the castle. It took much effort to contain the blast. In fact…doing so actually hurt. You managed to overpower my wards. It was quite a spell."

_I want to feel the pain and the bitter taste..._

_of the blood on my lips... again._

"Pity that you can't use that trick again. The drugs I had injected into you and the enchantments in this room will prevent you for casting any kind of magic"

Eragon shrugged as best as he could. "It was meant to be a last resort. Still," he looked the king directly in the eye. His polite tone turned as cold as ice, "Let's skip these pleasantries. The answer is no."

"Very well," The voice turned eager, "Let's begin!"

_This steady burst of snow is burning my hands._

_I'm frozen to the bones, I am._

Within an hour, screams started to echo through the room.

_A million mile from home, I'm walking away._

_I can't remind your eyes, your face._


	4. Chapter 3 Part 2

Cut into two parts since each part had a different song

A/N: Arya is NOT dead. The song I used in Chapter 2 was…interesting. When (Arya is dead) come up, the words are barely audible to the ear if you listen to the song. (The original lyrics are: Alice is dead) The words represent suggestions that are given to Eragon as he sees the visions woven by the king. They were supposed to dishearten Eragon from living in reality and turn to the fantasy that the king offered in exchange for his loyalty. I thought it was a good touch, but looking back, it is misleading. I'll edit that out.

Thank you for the reviews! They really keep me going!

Disclaimer, I don't own the Inheritance Cycle or 'Last Resort' by Papa Roach

Chapter 3: Despair (Part 2)

_Cut my life into pieces_

_This is my last resort_

It hurt. Those two words summed up his existence now. Pain was with him when he lay still, and flared up when his body gave a twitch. For the moment, he lay naked on the floor, caked with dried blood and dirt.

_Suffocation_

_No breathing_

Originally, there was nothing in the cell to sense. No longer. The stench of blood and burned flesh filled the tiny room. Judging by the potency of the smell, the Rider knew he had just come back from a 'friendly chat'.

_Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding_

Pain was always with him, so he only could gauge the passing of time by the intervals by smell. Blood and burnt flesh are easy to notice, even to a half-delirious prisoner.

_This is my last resort_

He laid there, his mind slowly turning. What could he do now? The spell didn't work since the king was still alive, but there had been no news from the outside world. What happened that delayed news of a battle, or a siege?

_Cut my life into pieces_

_I've reached my last resort_

Perhaps it was already over. He would probably get the news when they knew it could break him.

_Suffocation_

_No breathing_

But why bother torturing him anyways? The king had made no attempts to read his mind or asked any questions. Eragon knew that the king didn't want his loyalty. He could twist Eragon's mind into undying loyalty. Why bother wasting time?

_Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding_

_Do you even care if I die bleeding?_

Was he just sadistic or did he want revenge for injuring him? He leaned towards the former. The king had more than enough energy to heal any wound dealt to him. So why?

_Would it be wrong?_

_Would it be right?_

His mind wandered back towards his last spell. Maybe it upset the wards and magic surrounding the king? That could explain the delay of news. The king would not take on the Varden and the elves if he thought there was a remote chance of them winning.

_If I took my life tonight_

_Chances are that I might_

Well, it didn't matter now. His part was done now; all he could do now is wait. The torture would continue until he was nothing more but a living skeleton.

_Mutilation out of sight_

_And I'm contemplating suicide_

But wasn't that the point? He knew, from the moment he allowed himself to be captured, that he was going to die. The only question was if it would be a quick one or a long drawn out one.

_'Cause I'm losing my sight_

_Losing my mind_

He suddenly laughed, or tried too. His windpipe had been squeezed shut. He could barely breathe, let alone laugh. The best he could do was let out a choked out breath.

_Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine_

_Losing my sight_

_Losing my mind_

_Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine_

He tried to raise his head, but fell back down immediately. The blood loss, lack of food and water, and his half-mad mind caused the room to spin, even when he laid still.

_I never realized I was spread too thin_

_Till it was too late_

_And I was empty within_

Mad? Was he mad? Well he had just happily walked into a deathtrap without bait. That showed that he had some bouts of insanity. Or maybe just cocky? Well he did always stumble into trouble at least twice a week.

_Hungry_

_Feeding on chaos_

_And living in sin_

Though lately he hadn't bothered to try to stay out trouble. He just accepted it as it came. Maybe he was just tired of his life. After all, he had to live up to legends.

_Downward spiral where do I begin_

_It all started when I lost my mother_

_No love for myself_

_And no love for another_

He was just a boy, and a farm boy at that! He wasn't even that powerful! Even an elf child could match him in terms of raw magic. Besides, there were others to stand in for him.

_Searching to find a love up on a higher level_

_Finding nothing but questions and devils_

His first choice would be Arya, since she already had a close relationship with Saphira. She was a highly skilled warrior and magician and far more powerful than him. She had the necessary traits of a Rider. She would take his place for the war maybe even replace him permanently. He would be forgotten and that would be fine by him.

_'Cause I'm losing my sight_

_Losing my mind_

_Wish somebody would tell me in fine_

She was perfect for the role. He sighed, content for the moment. He gave a tiny smile. Wouldn't she be proud of him? He had given up his love for her and acted logically in a highly stressfully situation!

_Losing my sight_

_Losing my mind_

_Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine_

_Nothing's alright_

He was finally the Rider that she wanted him to be! That everyone wanted him to be! Oh joy! He was a true Rider! His smile grew until it seemed to split his face in half.

_Nothing is fine_

_I'm running and I'm crying_

_I'm crying_

_I'm crying_

_I'm crying_

_I'm crying_

Tears ran down his face. Tears of joy? No, tears at the harshness of reality. Tears at the sight of the end. Just a little longer until he could relax forever.

_I can't go on _

_li-ving this way_

He slept, lost in delirium and despair

_Cut my life into pieces_

_This is my last resort_

He awoke, still lost in the maze of his shattering mind. He had one last option left. A little act of rebellion that would cause the king to scream.

_Suffocation_

_No breathing_

_Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding_

Oh it would hurt. And it would be slow, very slow, but it would end everything.

_Would it be wrong?_

_Would it be right?_

Was it running away? Or a final 'fuck you' to the king? Probably both, and no doubt everyone would condemn his choice. He didn't care. The opinions of the living mean nothing to the dead

_If I took my life tonight_

_Chances are that I might_

Yes, it was a very tempting idea. There was no way to escape, and he would not be rescued. He knew that the Varden would cut their losses. There was no need to leave anyone with false hope.

_Mutilation out of sight_

_And I'm contemplating suicide_

But he might escape. Maybe he was more important than he thought. Maybe, just maybe, he would be rescued.

_'Cause I'm losing my sight_

_Losing my mind_

_Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine_

But that was a maybe. Killing himself was easier, especially since he knew that he had no one to fight for, or rather, his death will help the people he loved.

_Losing my sight_

_Losing my mind_

_Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine_

The darkness offered no answer. He stared into the blackness, reflecting. He opened his mouth, ready to bite into himself. If he kept the cuts open he would die of blood loss.

_Nothing's alright_

_Nothing is fine_

_I'm running and I'm crying_

"Stay your hand."

Eragon choked out a laugh. Tears fell from his eyes as he asked, "Why?" He laughed again. Now he knew he was insane. Hearing voices was a major sign of insanity.

"They're coming for you"

"Of course they are, the king isn't going to stop any time soon."

"She is looking for you. She will do anything to find you."

"Nice try, but I know better"

_I can't go on living this way_

_Can't go on_

_Living this way_

_Nothing's alright_

"Humor me. Wait a little longer."

A/N: Chapter 2 edited

Please review!


	5. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own the Inheritance Cycle or "Awake and Alive" by Skillet. I'm really surprised that this story is getting so many reviews and views. I will be working on "Understanding Each Other's Pain", I just wanted to finish this one up.

Chapter 4: Resist!

_I'm at war with the world and they_

_Try to pull me into the dark_

"Why should I go on? They're not going to find me, much less try to recuse me. No one would take the risk." The soft words echoed through the dark cell. He sighed, "So why I am not dead? Why do I hold on to life, despite that fact that life is meaningless."

_I struggle to find my faith_

_As I'm slippin' from your arms_

"No one is coming to get me. No one cares enough about me to take the risk. So why bother?" He looked into the gloom of the darkened room, searching for an answer, but he found nothing.

_It's getting harder to stay awake_

_And my strength is fading fast_

_You breathe into me at last_

He hissed out in frustration. There was an answer to his question, but he didn't want to accept it. To accept it was to accept hope, and hope was nothing more but a fantasy in his cruel reality. Yet that little spark endured, telling him that he had people who did care for him. No matter how hard he tried to break his ties, he couldn't find the heart to fully sever them.

_I'm awake I'm alive_

_Now I know what I believe inside_

_Now it's my time_

He finally snarled. Was this what he had been reduced to? A broken wreak full of self-pity. Did he really think this way now? A surge of rebellion flooded his body. He had walked in here willing, like a lamb waiting to be slaughtered.

_I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life_

_here (right here), right now (right now)_

For over a year, Eragon had questioned why he was chosen as a Rider, and he found the answer in here, in this cell, when his mind was almost gone. Or maybe he was already mad? It didn't matter.

_I'll stand my ground and never back down_

_I know what I believe inside_

_I'm awake and I'm alive_

No matter what, he had never given up. When he decided on a course of action, he wouldn't stop unless it endangered the people he cared for. If anyone else was faced with deciding the fate of Sloan, he knew they wouldn't hesitate to kill him. He didn't have to save him. Furthermore, he had seen no one of his status actually interact with the people themselves. Sure they made speeches and attended banquets, but he had spent his free time talking to the soldiers. He didn't have to spend time with the women and children, listening to their problems and trying to help them in anyway he could.

_I'm at war with the world cause I_

_Ain't never gonna sell my soul_

He knew that any other person who could have been chosen wouldn't spend time playing children games or helping wives with trivial errands. This wasn't a boast, it was a fact. All the leaders he knew, except for Roran, made no attempt to interact with the people they fought for.

_I've already made up my mind_

_No matter what I can't be bought or sold_

He didn't want power; he never asked for it. He only sought to end this war to ensure that a tyrant couldn't impose his will on the world. Eragon knew that he didn't want the throne. All he wanted, like Roran, a peaceful life with the people he cared for.

_When my faith is getting weak_

_And I feel like giving in_

_You breathe into me again_

Maybe he wouldn't get that; maybe he couldn't change the violence that swept the land like a wildfire, but he could, no would try his best. That was a promise that he would honor no matter what.

_I'm awake I'm alive_

The young Rider leant against the wall, breathing heavily. It had been a massive effort to sit up but now he could prop himself against the stonewalls to relieve some of his weight

_Now I know what I believe inside_

_Now it's my time_

With a grimy hand, he wiped the semi-dried blood from his eyes. Eragon stared at the door, waiting.

_I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life_

_here (right here), right now (right now)_

Time passed. He did not know how long, but he finally managed to stand after a fashion. Propping himself against the wall, he made his way towards the door. He stopped as he reached the frame. From this position, he could ambush anyone coming in.

_I'll stand my ground and never back down_

_I know what I believe inside_

_I'm awake and I'm alive_

Two soldiers marched down the corridor. Their heavy footsteps echoed down the dimly lit corridor.

_Waking up waking up_

_Waking up waking up_

"Why the sudden hurry? There's no way he can escape, you know."

"Don't know, but my guess is that someone tried to break in. They probably want to move him out of the city before he is recused." The two soldiers stopped at the large metal slab. Their torches cast three shadows on the stone floor.

_Waking up waking up_

_Waking up waking up_

"Let's get a move on," one of the soldiers hissed.

"Yeah, yeah," the second soldier muttered as he disengaged the locks that held the door shut. "You think he's going to attack us when we step in? He wasn't chained to the wall; only his wrists were bound."

"No, I heard that the king himself has cast a powerful spell in the cell. Anyone in there grows so depressed that they can barely move. That boy will be lying on the ground like a corpse. Surprised he isn't a wreck by now; no one can break into his mind yet."

"Yeah? Well he better be able to walk. I'm not carrying him" The door swung open. A torch was tossed in, and the flame reflected a steely resolve in the eyes of the hidden Rider.

_In the dark_

_I can feel you in my sleep_

"Where is he?" One of the soldiers asked nervously.

"Probably in the corner, now lets move!" With those words, one of the soldiers stepped into the cell while the other looked around. The soldier who had entered the cell picked up the torch, and looked to his left. Nothing. Suddenly, he was being jerked backed as an iron chain was thrown over his head. The chain tightened, and within a minute, the windpipe had been completely crushed.

_In your arms I feel you breathe into me_

_Forever hold this heart that I will give to you_

_Forever I will live for you_

"What's the holdup…" The soldier outside turned around just in time to see the prisoner leaping forward. Before he could react, a stolen sword had buried itself into his chest. He tried to speak, but his lungs were full of blood. The last thing he saw was the sword being yanked out of his chest and cold brown eyes looking down at him. They looked like the eyes of a hunter.

_I'm awake I'm alive_

_Now I know what I believe inside_

_Now it's my time_

Eragon gritted his teeth, and knelt by the dying man. Energy flowed into him as the life of the soldier was sucked out. With a quick spell, Eragon healed himself. He hoped he had enough energy to escape.

_I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life_

_here (right here), right now (right now)_

Suddenly, he heard quiet footsteps coming around the corridor. He didn't have enough time to drag the bodies into the open cell and he didn't have enough energy to cast a spell to conceal them. Forsaking stealth, Eragon ran forward. As the figure slowly rounded the corner, he slammed it against the wall.

_I'll stand my ground and never back down_

_I know what I believe inside_

_I'm awake and I'm alive_

He quickly pushed himself off and ran.

"Eragon?!" The question echoed across the hall.

He stopped for a second, and the figure was beside him. It was a young woman with midnight black hair and emerald eyes. Was this an illusion? Didn't matter. On the off chance it wasn't, he turned around. "Arya?"

"Yes." The reply was breathless.

_Waking up waking up_

_Waking up waking up_

"We don't have any time to waste…"

"Tell me the first words I spoke to you. Then I'll know if you're real and I am really escaping."

_Waking up waking up_

_Waking up waking up_

"Eka aí fricai un Shur'tugal."

"So this is real and you really did care."

"Of course I did idiot, now let's move!"

Arya may seem OOC but they are trying to escape, so they really don't have a lot of time to talk.

Please Review!


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